Talking to a parent about giving up driving

This is general information, not legal or medical advice.

For many older people the car is not about getting from A to B. It is the weekly shop on their own terms, Friday prayers, the bowls club, and never having to ask anyone for anything. Raising the subject of giving it up can feel like questioning their competence and their independence in the same sentence.

It does not have to go badly. The conversations that work tend to start early, focus on safety rather than age, and arrive with a plan for how life keeps going without the car.

Signs driving is getting harder

Age alone is not the issue. Changes in eyesight, reaction time, memory, joints and medications are. Watch for:

• New scrapes or dents on the car, the garage or the letterbox
• Getting lost on familiar routes
• Near misses, or other drivers beeping more often
• Difficulty turning the head to check blind spots
• Confusion at roundabouts, intersections or with traffic lights
• Choosing to stop driving at night or in the rain, which is often a sensible first step the person has already taken on their own
• A new diagnosis, or new medication that causes drowsiness

The best way to know is to be a passenger a few times, on ordinary trips, without making a thing of it.

How to raise it

• Start early and gently. “Have you thought about what you’d do if you couldn’t drive one day?” is far easier than an ultimatum after a scare.
• Talk about specifics, not age. “I noticed you missed the stop sign on Smith Street” lands better than “at your age”.
• Choose the right person. Sometimes a parent will hear it from a GP, a sibling or an old friend more easily than from you.
• Offer steps, not a cliff. Daytime only, local trips only, or no motorways can keep someone driving safely for longer.
• Have the plan ready. The question underneath is always “how will I get anywhere?” Answer it before it is asked.

If a parent is resisting help generally, our guide on how to talk to a parent who refuses help has more on these conversations.

Getting an independent view

A family disagreement about driving can go round in circles. An outside opinion often breaks the deadlock.

• The GP can review eyesight, memory and medications and discuss fitness to drive.
• An occupational therapy driving assessment, which the GP can refer for, gives a structured off-road and on-road check. An occupational therapist can also suggest car modifications that keep someone driving safely. Our guide to occupational therapy at home explains how to access one.
• Transport for NSW sets the licensing rules and medical requirements for older drivers. Check the current rules on the NSW Government website rather than relying on what a friend was told.

Life after the keys

The real risk of stopping driving is not inconvenience. It is isolation. A person who stops going out stops seeing people, and that affects health as much as anything on the road.

Plan for the trips that matter most to them, not just medical appointments:

• A regular lift to the shops, the club or a place of worship
• Community transport and taxi subsidy schemes. Our guide to getting to appointments without driving covers the options.
• Family rostered for particular trips, so no one person carries it all
• Help with transport through a Support at Home plan. A worker can drive and come in with the person, not just drop them at the door. See our transport service.

How Aldera helps

When transport is part of someone’s plan, the same small Care Circle does those trips, so it is a familiar face behind the wheel rather than a different driver every week. The One Story record holds the details that make a trip go well: which entrance at the medical centre has the ramp, that they like to stop at the bakery on the way home. Your Care Lead can help you work out what transport is possible within a plan.