Signs of carer burnout: a self-check

Most carer checklists are about the other person. This one is about you.

Read it honestly and by yourself. Nobody sees the answers, and there is no score at the end. It is general information, not medical advice. If any of this has become heavy, your GP is a good first call and Carer Gateway on 1800 422 737 is a good second.

Read these about yourself

Tick the ones that are true of the last month, not of a bad week.

Sleep and body

• You sleep and wake up no better for it.
• You are listening for noises at night even when you do not need to be.
• Headaches, a sore back, a stomach that is not right, and you have not been to anyone about it.
• You have stopped eating properly, or you eat standing up, or you eat whatever is quickest at ten at night.
• Something you used to take for your own health has lapsed. A prescription not filled, a check-up not booked, a scan you have not chased.

Temper and mood

• A shorter fuse than you used to have, with the person you care for and with everybody else.
• Snapping, then a wave of guilt, then doing more to make up for it.
• Resentment and love sitting side by side, which is by far the most common pattern and the one people find hardest to admit.
• Crying at things that are not the thing.
• A flatness where feeling used to be.

Your own life

• You cannot remember the last time you did something purely because you wanted to.
• Friends have stopped inviting you because you always say no, and you are relieved.
• Your own appointments come last and get cancelled first.
• You have given up something that mattered to you. A job, a class, a sport, a faith community, a Sunday.
• Family ask how the person you care for is and nobody asks how you are, and you have stopped expecting them to.

Thinking and dread

• You dread specific parts of the day and start bracing for them hours ahead.
• You cannot picture a week off. Not cannot arrange it, cannot picture it.
• You are the only one who knows the medication, the passwords, the routine, and nothing would work without you for a fortnight.
• You find yourself thinking that if you got sick, the problem would at least be somebody else’s.

That last one frightens people. It is common, it is exhaustion talking rather than a wish, and it is worth saying to your GP.

What the ticks mean

There is no threshold. But the pattern matters more than the count.

A few ticks in one group, on top of a bad month, is a load problem and usually fixable with a specific change rather than a big decision. Ticks spread across all four groups, or anything in the last group, means the arrangement is running on you personally and has no slack in it. That does not hold. Not because you are not strong enough, but because nothing built with one person and no margin holds.

Worth being clear about one thing: burnout is not a sign that you are not coping. It happens to people who cope extremely well for a long time. The ones who get hit hardest are usually the most capable, because being capable is what postpones anyone noticing.

What to do about each part

If it is sleep. This is the one to treat first, because everything else gets worse without it. Overnight help exists specifically for this, and our guide on what an overnight shift involves explains what it actually looks like in a house.

If it is your own health. Book the appointment this week, and book it as an appointment for you rather than a thing to fit around the care. Our resource on what to take to a GP appointment works just as well for your own visit.

If it is having no time. This is what respite is for, and it is routinely left unused by the people who need it most. Start with our guide on respite care explained and our respite page.

If it is being the only one who knows. Write it down, this month. Medication, routines, the phone numbers, who to ring for what. Our one-page emergency sheet is built for that and takes twenty minutes.

If it is the family. The load is rarely shared as evenly as everyone believes it is. Our piece on how families share the load is about having that conversation, and when siblings disagree is for when it is harder than that.

If it is all of it. Ring Carer Gateway on 1800 422 737. Counselling, coaching, planned respite and practical help, at no cost, and you do not need to be at breaking point to qualify. Our guide on support for the family carer sets out the rest of what exists.

The part people do not know

Your needs as a carer are part of the assessment of the person you care for, not a separate application. If you are running out of capacity, that is a change in their circumstances and it can trigger a review of their plan. Our guide on what happens at a plan review explains how to ask for one.

At Aldera, a Care Circle exists partly so that the arrangement does not rest on one exhausted person, and what the family is carrying goes into One Story alongside everything else. If you are the one holding it together, say so to your Care Lead. It is information, not a confession.

Where to get help now

• Carer Gateway, 1800 422 737, or carergateway.gov.au for counselling, coaching and respite.
• My Aged Care, 1800 200 422, or myagedcare.gov.au for assessments, plans and reviews.
• Your GP, for you rather than for them.
• Lifeline, 13 11 14, at any hour, if tonight is heavy.

If you would rather talk about what help could take off your hands, get in touch. A real person answers.